Thursday, May 02, 2002

The Top Five Movies of All-Time

Movies are a phenomenon that have been around longer than most forms of entertainment that we enjoy like television, planetariums and the World Wrestling Federation. My parents tell me stories about how they used to go to the movies when they were little and it only cost a nickel to get in and you could trade the gum in your pocket for 10 gallons of popcorn. Now it cost me $10 bucks (or 200 nickels) just to get in, and that doesn't include the $5 matchbox of popcorn and the $8 beverage the size of an average coffee mug.

Boy, how times have changed.

Every year I hear about how movies are setting new records. For example, Harry Potter made more money in one weekend than Deuce Bigalo Male Gigolo made all year! If that wasn't enough, Mr. Squatter and company just set a new record for the highest grossing movie of all time.

But who cares about that?

With the ever rising cost of movie tickets, of course we are going to see new records set year after year after year. Does that really mean anything? Unless you are making commission from one of those blockbusters, then no.

What interests me more is the statistic on "Butts in Seats." This stat has little to do with money, but more to do with how many actual butts sat in seats to watch each movie. Theoretically, that should be a bigger indicator of how successful/popular a movie truly is. Luckily for you, I heard the answer on the radio this morning during my wonderful commute (yelling, honking, screaming) to my office (more like Girl Scout Cookie Box with a cut out window that I can't open).

While I was amazed that neither Home Alone nor Spiceworld made the list, I was partially impressed with the top five, thus giving me some hope that people do have taste. Here is the list, starting with number 5 and my notes on each flick:

5. Titanic Okay, so this movie shouldn't be a surprise to make the top five, but now that the movie is 5 years old I'd like to see how many people actually enjoy watching the 3 plus hour video they purchased of it. The love story sucked. The boat sinking was kind of cool. I'd rather be kicked in the testicles twice than watch this movie again.

4. ET This was one of my favorite movies growing up. Sometimes I think people tend to forget about it, but this is NOT a forgettable movie. When he first encountered Elliot, we were all intrigued. When he was sick in the plastic medical chamber, we were all scared. And when he left to return to his planet, we were sad to see him go. Probably the best movie of my lifetime (though Dumb & Dumber runs a close second).

3. The Sound of Music The Von Trap family and Mary Poppins sing and dance and keep things cheerful as a war is going on. Many of us learned that a Doe is a deer . a female deer. While it brings many parents back to their youth, it is interactive enough for children to enjoy as well. Decent movie, but ET was better.

2. Star Wars (the original) How could you not think that in a top five list about movies at least one of the Star Wars would be mentioned? Luke Skywalker is the coolest. Princess Laya is yummy. And Darth Vader? All I can say is with a huge noggin like that, he and I must be brothers.

And Finally,

1. Gone With the Wind While I have never actually watched this movie I hear it is quite good

And while Harry Potter will never make this list, rest assured that one day another movie may come close to this top five. Of course, you'll have to sell one of your kidneys to see it.